Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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