the new term for farting is butt boxing.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
