Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
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