So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
