What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
