I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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