my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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