he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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