He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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