Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh�
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
