My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
