I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Randomize
