Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I would ride that face into the sunset
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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