We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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