I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
