someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
