we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
