I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
