drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
