so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
i came on her dog
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
