I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
