he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
