I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
