You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
