saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
