Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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