My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
