Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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