You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
