I met the friendliest cop last night
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
