I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
