he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
