Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
