she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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