i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
