So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
