she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Randomize
