watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
