I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
