my soul wont recognize me after tonight
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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