Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
