i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
