Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Randomize
