well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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