Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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