In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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