he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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