Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
