Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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