Its about making memories worth repressing
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
