Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
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