I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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