The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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