I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
