Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
i think my cat just said my name.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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