Swine flu. Run for my life!
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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